May 21, 2008

One year ago today, I peed on a stick and found a giant plus sign staring back at me. Sitting here, 12 months, 365 days later.... I still remember the EXACT emotions and feelings I felt at that time.

Just because I like to write, I'll tell you the story about my big, fat positive pregnancy test. A few weeks before I took this test, I took a total of about 12 tests over the course of about 4 weeks. I was DETERMINED to prove to my husband that I was indeed pregnant. It's just one of those feelings I had in my gut! Well, after a bunch of negative tests (and about $100 down the drain), I decided to give up on testing. Until a week later when my sister and I were at Target and she convinced me to "buy just one more" so I did. This time I bought the cheap Target brand one $3.47. I figured if it's negative again, at least I only lose $3.47. (More like $103.47...but still.) So the next morning (which was Monday the 21st) I decided to give it a go. I woke up, brushed my teeth like I always do and peed into a cup and dipped the stick. I then went to the closet, picked out my clothes, walked downstairs to get some water and got ready for a shower. I peeked at the test and lo and behold - clear as day - was a giant plus sign! After reading and re-reading the instructions and making sure I understood the test, I freaked out. It was an exciting freak-out. But wait. Since this was a generic test, what if it was a fluke? I decided I would run to the store before work and take another to be sure. But at the present moment, I didn't know what to do. Adam was at work. It wasn't the kind of news to give him over the phone...and he had school that night so I couldn't wait that long. So I took a picture of the stick with my phone and text messaged it to him. Within 2 minutes he wrote back and said "This means pregnant?" And of course I burst into tears and he called me. I could sense his nervousness as we briefly discussed what this meant. We decided we weren't going to tell anyone until I could get in to see a doctor and confirm that the news was real.

Fast forward to today. Wednesday May 21, 2008. I'm sitting here typing this out, staring at my beautiful baby boy who is sound asleep 5 feet away from me in his pack and play. He's so peacefully asleep, yet stirring every 20 minutes trying to get comfortable. Words can't express how he makes me feel. From that minute one year ago today until now, it's been quite the journey. 38 weeks of pregnancy, 12 hours of labor, and 4 months and 5 days of nothing but absolute bliss...and sleepless nights. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Not a day goes by that I don't thank god for showing me my purpose in life. For giving me an opportunity that many women pay thousands of dollars to experience. For blessing my life the way he has in his quiet way. Thank you again, Lord for allowing me to experience motherhood.

I love you AJ Brown. Always have, always will.