I didn't write this myself, but agree with each and every statement.
I Believe...a Birth Certificate shows that we were born and a Death Certificate shows that we died, but pictures show that we lived!
I Believe...that just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe...that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe...that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...that my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe...that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I Believe...two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Books, Books, Books!
Books are all the craze in our house right now!
We have to make sure we have books in the living room, in the dining room, in the bedroom, in the car, and at all times in the diaper bag!
Why do I have to have books everywhere I go right now?
Because AJ has an obsession with reading! If I ask him to go pick out a book, he will drop what he's doing, find the nearest book (if we're away from his bookshelf), walk it over, hand it to me, sit down and open the book while it's still in my hands. He has his usual favorites he brings over, but this is the routine AT LEAST 10times a day. It is the cutest thing ever.
He loves to point out familiar objects he recognizes in pictures such as dogs, balloons, a quiet old lady whispering "Hush" (and he even puts his finger to his mouth and says "Shhh" at the right part!), cats, cars, and balls. His knowledge, and inquiry to learn just absolutely amazes me.
Seeing his face light up with a smile when I ask him to find a book and watching him rush to find the right one, put the smile on my face all day every day. I absolutely love him.
We have to make sure we have books in the living room, in the dining room, in the bedroom, in the car, and at all times in the diaper bag!
Why do I have to have books everywhere I go right now?
Because AJ has an obsession with reading! If I ask him to go pick out a book, he will drop what he's doing, find the nearest book (if we're away from his bookshelf), walk it over, hand it to me, sit down and open the book while it's still in my hands. He has his usual favorites he brings over, but this is the routine AT LEAST 10times a day. It is the cutest thing ever.
He loves to point out familiar objects he recognizes in pictures such as dogs, balloons, a quiet old lady whispering "Hush" (and he even puts his finger to his mouth and says "Shhh" at the right part!), cats, cars, and balls. His knowledge, and inquiry to learn just absolutely amazes me.
Seeing his face light up with a smile when I ask him to find a book and watching him rush to find the right one, put the smile on my face all day every day. I absolutely love him.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Love.
What a week it has been!
Two people I know have gotten engaged, an old friend is getting married this weekend, and two couples are celebrating wedding anniversaries (Happy 1st to Jake and Vanessa, and Happy 33rd to Mom and Dad Brown!). And how could I forget! One very special couple is putting final touches on their wedding planning and will become Mr. and Mrs. on June 13th. Luckily, AJ and I have the honor of walking down the aisle in their wedding and I cannot wait!
All of this because of a simple little thing we call L-O-V-E.
All this love in the air takes me back to the day Adam asked me to be his wife. We went together to pick out my ring about 3 weeks before it happened. You see, Adam knows nothing about jewelry. And since this was going to be a big, important purchase, he wanted to make sure I was satisfied with my ring. We went to the jewelry store and I fell in love with one of the last sets we looked at for the day. He went back a few days later and made a decision and purchased the ring. I knew a proposal was coming, but I didn't know when.
We took a trip to California with Jackie and Brian about 3 weeks later and I just had this gut feeling that he would do it then. I was antsy with anticipation for it the entire trip. The very last day we were there we decided to stop by the Santa Monica Pier for one last walk on the beach and to take some pictures. I insisted on riding the ferris wheel and so we did. We all got into the same little car together, and went around twice when the wheel stopped - dead center of the very TOP! Now let me tell you, this thing is on the very edge of the Pier... all that is below you is the Pacific Ocean! So I was terrified. I soon found out that Adam was too, but for a different reason! He ceased that opportunity to pledge his love to me and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. It was a moment I will never forget. Looking back, I had a suspicion that he was going to do it then (and Jackie will tell you that I didn't seem very surprised!), but it was absolutely perfect.
When people hear my story, they tell me my proposal wasn't exactly a surprise because I knew it was coming. True. But the actual "down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring-box-in-hand" wasn't important to me. The most important part of all of this was that Adam Brown chose me to be his wife. To walk by his side, to laugh with him, to cry with him, and to want to smack him upside the head when necessary. All of this because he loves me. That's all that mattered to me. I was going to spend my life with somebody who loves me for exactly who I am.
Our journey hasn't been an easy one. We've had some trying times in our relationship but they truly have only made us stronger. If given the chance, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Dictionary.com defines love as:
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
I define love as:
1. Adam Brown
2. Adam Brown, Jr. <-- this definition of love deserves its own post!
Congratulations, and Good Luck to all those experiencing this crazy little thing called love. I wish you all nothing but the best in life. Take time to listen, care, and above all be each other's best friend.
I will end this posting with some words taken from our sermon during our wedding ceremony:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
xoxo,
Ang
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Phew!
I did it!
I finally put the finishing touches on my blog. I used to blog a long time ago and somehow I got too busy to keep it up (how could I have been too busy?!)
Anyways, since I am such a generous person, I am going to share my gift of gab with the world and update my blog as often as I possibly can.
If it turns out that nobody wants to read it, then I'll stay here and talk to myself!
Now that I actually have the thing all done and ready to go, duty calls. AJ is having a playdate in t minus 20 minutes and this mama's gotta get stuff ready!
I'll take some pictures and post again soon....
xoxo,
Angie
I finally put the finishing touches on my blog. I used to blog a long time ago and somehow I got too busy to keep it up (how could I have been too busy?!)
Anyways, since I am such a generous person, I am going to share my gift of gab with the world and update my blog as often as I possibly can.
If it turns out that nobody wants to read it, then I'll stay here and talk to myself!
Now that I actually have the thing all done and ready to go, duty calls. AJ is having a playdate in t minus 20 minutes and this mama's gotta get stuff ready!
I'll take some pictures and post again soon....
xoxo,
Angie
Just a small disclaimer....
It has been brought to my attention that the post below this one is misleading! Just to clarify some rumors:
No, I am not pregnant.
No, AJ doesn't have any siblings... YET!
No, I am not pregnant.
Yes, we are still just a family of 3!
Oh ya, and No, I am not pregnant.
The only reason I posted the blog entry below is because it used to be on my old blog and it's something very important to me so I wanted to share it here as well.
No, I am not pregnant.
No, AJ doesn't have any siblings... YET!
No, I am not pregnant.
Yes, we are still just a family of 3!
Oh ya, and No, I am not pregnant.
The only reason I posted the blog entry below is because it used to be on my old blog and it's something very important to me so I wanted to share it here as well.
Taking the newest Brownie out of the Oven!
So I guess I should have typed this entry first to start off my blog with. But it just came to me today that I haven't written out my entire birth story, and I wanna get it down before it fades from my memory. So here it is. (If this type of thing makes you queasy, stop reading now... it's really not that graphic!)
It all started on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008. My mom and I went for a nice long walk that morning at The Gardens Park in Summerlin. She was off work and we planned on a nice walk and then lunch. So we walked for a while and went to Kona Grill to eat. I felt nothing different all day. In fact, I felt better than I had in a while. At this point, I was 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant. (Considered full term).
After lunch, I went home to lie down because I was super tired. (what else was new?) So I did just that. Being at home, my new obsession became the Ellen Show. So I laid on the couch watching her, and cracking up laughing as usual when I felt a warm sensation down below. I thought I'd peed my pants. It was just a small trickle, but nonetheless, I went upstairs to rinse off, change and I came back downstairs. I sat down again....and same thing. Same trickle. At this point I remember thinking WTH is going on here? So I went BACK upstairs and did the same thing, laughing on my way up thinking "Is Ellen really that funny that I'm peeing my pants?" (When you're pregnant, ANYTHING can make you pee your pants though, lol..) At this point, Adam came through the door of the house and was getting ready to take a shower. I told him that I had to change my clothes like 3 times already because I kept peeing my pants, so he told me I should just sit on the toilet and pee. (MEN!!!) I told him I didn't even feel like I needed to go, it was just happening. Let me add in here that at no point did I think that this was my water breaking. I went back downstairs to fix Adam some lunch before he had to go to school and Vicky called me. I laughed and told her about my "warm sensation" and she said my water might have broken. I told her to google the symptoms and call me back. When she called back, she asked me a series of questions. "What color was the liquid? Did it have an odor? How much was there? How are you feeling..." and the list went on. Finally, I thought I better call my OB just to be safe. So I did and the triage nurse told me to head over to Labor and Delivery so they could do a fluid check. I went upstairs and told Adam this news and I remember we stood there looking at each other with this look of fear. He grabbed my hospital bag and the boppy and said let's take these just in case. Again, at this point I thought this was all just a false alarm but said, okay. So he walked me downstairs and loaded me into the car. Adam had school that night and since I was POSITIVE this wasn't the baby coming, I told him to go on to school (his union school is SUPER strict and holds his raises back a month for each class he misses!!) and that if it was the real deal, I would call him to come meet me at the hospital. He didn't want me to go alone, so I called Vicky to meet me there. After I got in the car, I called Jackie first. She didn't believe me when I told her, but said to keep her posted!
So. It was 3:36pm when I pulled into St. Rose San Martin campus. Vicky was waiting for me in the parking lot and we walked upstairs. The triage nurse checked us into triage and looked at me like I was stupid when I explained my condition to her. She had me urinate into a cup, which at this point I was so used to doing... and told me to lie down on the bed. She was really rude, now that I think about it. She kept looking at Vicky like we were lovers or something so I politely told her that Vicky was my sister and that my husband, who is the father of this child, was on his way to school. Well she pulled out her mechanism, which looked like a little test strip, and the dreaded clamp looking thing. She said it would hurt because they couldn't use any lubrication in case it would interfere with the specimen of what I thought was my water being broken. This was a painful process and when she pulled the paper out, it was bright blue. I asked what that meant and she said "Yup...your water has broken." Imagine the nervousness, excitement, and anxiety I felt at this point. So I asked what that meant from then on. The B**** then said "well... didn't you take any childbirth classes? Don't you know what it means when your water breaks?" OH HELL NO! Of course I know what it means when your water breaks, you imbecile! My question was more of a " Do I get admitted now? When will my baby be here?" type of question!!! So at this point, I called Adam and told him to hurry over to the hospital because AJ wanted out! I could hear the nervousness and excitement in Adam's voice... and he rushed right over. She then wheeled me into a nice room, which was more of a private suite at a nice hotel than a hospital room. Vicky called everyone we knew to tell them the exciting news!
I was officially admitted at 5:31pm. The nurse came in and checked me for dilation then too. I was already 5cm and 95% effaced. AAAAGGHHH!!!! 5 CM!! And I didn't feel a THING! She said they would start me on pitocin to bring on contractions since I wasn't having any. I had this monitor type contraption connected to my belly to monitor AJ's heartbeat, and a cuff on my arm to monitor my blood pressure and an IV pumping fluid into my body since I couldn't eat or drink anything. All I could have was ice chips. YUCK!
As I laid in that bed, I kept feeling my water leak more and more. I had to have them come change the sheets a couple of times. It was pretty disgust. I specifically remember Jackie coming and sitting next to me on the bed and I had to ask her to get up because I felt a huge gush! lol Embarrassing, but such is life. I couldn't help it. I didn't feel any contractions, so the nurse kept increasing my pitocin... at about 9pm, everyone left my room so I could try to rest. We promised everyone we would call as there was more progress. The next few hours went by pretty smoothly. At one point, they wanted to stick this little monitor thing on AJ's head so they went in down South and kept trying to shove this tiny thing in and it wasn't working. I don't even remember why they were doing it now, but I remember it hurt like heck! The nurse kept coming in and asking when I wanted my epidural. I was trying to hold off on it for as long as I could, so that I could have plenty when I needed it. She would literally come in every like 20 minutes and ask me. Finally I decided to give into it at about 2:30am when I was 8 cm dilated. Good thing I got it then. It's as if my body knew I had surrendered to it because the minute I said okay, I got hit with the MOST PAINFUL FEELING EVER!!! I can't even describe a contraction to you. I remember it hurt like hell, but the trauma of it was so intense, I don't remember it. It's the craziest thing in the world. I remember my anesthesiologist was from Australia and the nicest guy ever. I told him I loved him. lol. The epidural didn't hurt at all... Adam was the greatest coach. He took my mind off the present moment and kept me laughing till it hurt. I absolutely love him. But that's a different story.
Minutes after I got the epidural, I felt it kick in. But I was still feeling the contractions on my right side so I called the nurse in and Mr. Anesthesiologist came in and upped it on my right side. I was in divine heaven. The nurse checked me again and said we would start pushing in about 30 minutes! This is when the panic began for me. OMG... in 30 minutes, I was going to push the hardest I ever have, and I was going to try to bring my son into the light of day. I was going to bring my baby to life... to hold him in my arms and never let him go. Adam looked terrified and came to hold me in my bed. It was the most surreal moment ever. This was the last time it would be just the two of us... and we were ready for it. Our moment was ruined by the nurse rushing in, saying that the baby's heartrate dropped and I needed an oxygen mask to help bring it back up. So they strapped it on and she said we were going to push then. Ummm... RIGHT! I was traumatized! Adam made the calls home to have everyone come to the hospital to wait in the waiting room and the nurse got busy. She had me push on my own before the doctor came in and it was the hardest thing in my life! I have this stupid oxygen mask on, I was congested, and pushing wasn't happening too well for me. I was out of breath by the time she got to 4! And I had to push until 10! And there was no resting in between...only enough time for another deep breath. Pushing truly sucked the most out of everything. Not to mention that she and Adam kept yelling "PUSH HARDER!!" Hello?? What do you think I'm doing? Does this look like I'm just sitting here barely squeezing? I want this baby out more than either one of you. I'm pushing as hard as I can! Adam kept telling me I was right there... and with every push out, I lost breath and it was right back in he went. Then Dr. Foster came in and got the show on the road. He watched me push, and told me it looked like baby's head was a little big so he was going to cut me a little. Uh... thank god I was numb! But do what you gotta do Doc! lol So he cut me, and 4 pushes later... out came Adam Eugene Brown, Jr. All 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 20 inches of him! He made his debut into this world at 5:54am on Wednesday January 16, 2008. He was born exactly 2 weeks early. They took him out and put him on my belly.
Adam was holding both of us, and snapping pictures of this moment. I laid there and stared at him dumbfounded that I was holding my son. That's when I felt a warm rush on my arm and looked over and sure enough, my son was shooting out lasers of urine! That's my boy! He even managed to soak my nurse! It was so funny. I was laughing and crying. This was my son! I waited for this moment for such a long time and it was here. He was so beautiful and perfect. They took him over to the other side of the room to inject his eyes and run their tests and meanwhile doc was sewing me up and delivering my placenta which he tossed into this bucket... that was yucky! lol. Adam kept yelling me the feedback on his tests and he couldn't stop gushing over how beautiful his son was. I was so blessed.
About 10 minutes later, the entire family streamed into the room and it was THE MOST beautiful reunion I have ever witnessed in my entire life. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Everyone took turns holding my beautiful son. Their grandson, nephew, and the newest addition to the family. It was truly emotional. The rest of that day was a whilrwind of breastfeeding and visitors.
Later that night, the nurse took AJ to the nursery to bathe him. I went with her and she said it looked like he was breathing faster than he should have been. Of course i asked what this meant and she said she wanted to have him monitored under the lights in there for about an hour. I was terrified. She then came to our room and said they were going to have to keep him in the NICU overnight for monitoring because his breathing was very rapid for a newborn. She said it could possibly be due to fluid in his lungs. She said they would have to wait for him to be admitted into the NICU and that the pediatrician on duty would come talk to us. She let us come see him and it was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. Here was my precious little boy, so new to the world and he was hooked up to an IV which was bigger than him, and he had a little feeding tube through his nose and patches of monitors all over his chest, and on his feet. I couldn't stop crying in there. I was literally bawling. Even Adam cried. This wasn't how we pictured our baby to spend his first night in the world! The pedi was amazing and we loved her right away. She answered all of our questions and we felt safe knowing AJ was in her hands. And the NICU staff was absolutely amazing also. They let us come see him every hour if we wanted to, and I was pumping milk for AJ then so they let me in to drop it off and they would call my room whenever he was awake so we could look at him. It was definately tough on us to see him like this, but it needed to be done. The final diagnosis was that he had fluid in his lungs and they needed to drain it. So they pumped his tiny little lungs with concentrated oxygen to help dry it out. Since his lungs were open, they were susceptible to infection, so they gave him an antibiotic through his IV. Because he was a newborn, they needed to keep him for 48 hours minimum to monitor him with this antibiotic. It was the longest 48 hours of my life! My doctor cleared me to go home on Thursday, but I begged to let me stay one more night so I could be with my baby. (they wouldn't let him in my room but at least I was down the hall!) So they let me stay. We were in there every chance we got. Finally, Friday night at 7pm I had to go home, and the pedi said as long as AJ's breathing was steady (which it improved more each day), she would clear him to come home on Saturday morning! YAY!! We went home and got everything ready for him. And me, being the obsessive freak I am, I set my alarm for 4am to drive to the hospital to see him. He happened to be awake and they let me feed him. Then I went back home after he fell asleep and we came back together with Adam at 9 to pick up our baby. They let him come home and our lives were complete.
And if you have made it this far, you deserve an award. This is the LONGEST thing I have every typed, but for my own personal memories, I needed to type it out. Now I feel better.
(And thank you AJ for taking a nap right now so I could get this all out!)
It all started on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008. My mom and I went for a nice long walk that morning at The Gardens Park in Summerlin. She was off work and we planned on a nice walk and then lunch. So we walked for a while and went to Kona Grill to eat. I felt nothing different all day. In fact, I felt better than I had in a while. At this point, I was 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant. (Considered full term).
After lunch, I went home to lie down because I was super tired. (what else was new?) So I did just that. Being at home, my new obsession became the Ellen Show. So I laid on the couch watching her, and cracking up laughing as usual when I felt a warm sensation down below. I thought I'd peed my pants. It was just a small trickle, but nonetheless, I went upstairs to rinse off, change and I came back downstairs. I sat down again....and same thing. Same trickle. At this point I remember thinking WTH is going on here? So I went BACK upstairs and did the same thing, laughing on my way up thinking "Is Ellen really that funny that I'm peeing my pants?" (When you're pregnant, ANYTHING can make you pee your pants though, lol..) At this point, Adam came through the door of the house and was getting ready to take a shower. I told him that I had to change my clothes like 3 times already because I kept peeing my pants, so he told me I should just sit on the toilet and pee. (MEN!!!) I told him I didn't even feel like I needed to go, it was just happening. Let me add in here that at no point did I think that this was my water breaking. I went back downstairs to fix Adam some lunch before he had to go to school and Vicky called me. I laughed and told her about my "warm sensation" and she said my water might have broken. I told her to google the symptoms and call me back. When she called back, she asked me a series of questions. "What color was the liquid? Did it have an odor? How much was there? How are you feeling..." and the list went on. Finally, I thought I better call my OB just to be safe. So I did and the triage nurse told me to head over to Labor and Delivery so they could do a fluid check. I went upstairs and told Adam this news and I remember we stood there looking at each other with this look of fear. He grabbed my hospital bag and the boppy and said let's take these just in case. Again, at this point I thought this was all just a false alarm but said, okay. So he walked me downstairs and loaded me into the car. Adam had school that night and since I was POSITIVE this wasn't the baby coming, I told him to go on to school (his union school is SUPER strict and holds his raises back a month for each class he misses!!) and that if it was the real deal, I would call him to come meet me at the hospital. He didn't want me to go alone, so I called Vicky to meet me there. After I got in the car, I called Jackie first. She didn't believe me when I told her, but said to keep her posted!
So. It was 3:36pm when I pulled into St. Rose San Martin campus. Vicky was waiting for me in the parking lot and we walked upstairs. The triage nurse checked us into triage and looked at me like I was stupid when I explained my condition to her. She had me urinate into a cup, which at this point I was so used to doing... and told me to lie down on the bed. She was really rude, now that I think about it. She kept looking at Vicky like we were lovers or something so I politely told her that Vicky was my sister and that my husband, who is the father of this child, was on his way to school. Well she pulled out her mechanism, which looked like a little test strip, and the dreaded clamp looking thing. She said it would hurt because they couldn't use any lubrication in case it would interfere with the specimen of what I thought was my water being broken. This was a painful process and when she pulled the paper out, it was bright blue. I asked what that meant and she said "Yup...your water has broken." Imagine the nervousness, excitement, and anxiety I felt at this point. So I asked what that meant from then on. The B**** then said "well... didn't you take any childbirth classes? Don't you know what it means when your water breaks?" OH HELL NO! Of course I know what it means when your water breaks, you imbecile! My question was more of a " Do I get admitted now? When will my baby be here?" type of question!!! So at this point, I called Adam and told him to hurry over to the hospital because AJ wanted out! I could hear the nervousness and excitement in Adam's voice... and he rushed right over. She then wheeled me into a nice room, which was more of a private suite at a nice hotel than a hospital room. Vicky called everyone we knew to tell them the exciting news!
I was officially admitted at 5:31pm. The nurse came in and checked me for dilation then too. I was already 5cm and 95% effaced. AAAAGGHHH!!!! 5 CM!! And I didn't feel a THING! She said they would start me on pitocin to bring on contractions since I wasn't having any. I had this monitor type contraption connected to my belly to monitor AJ's heartbeat, and a cuff on my arm to monitor my blood pressure and an IV pumping fluid into my body since I couldn't eat or drink anything. All I could have was ice chips. YUCK!
As I laid in that bed, I kept feeling my water leak more and more. I had to have them come change the sheets a couple of times. It was pretty disgust. I specifically remember Jackie coming and sitting next to me on the bed and I had to ask her to get up because I felt a huge gush! lol Embarrassing, but such is life. I couldn't help it. I didn't feel any contractions, so the nurse kept increasing my pitocin... at about 9pm, everyone left my room so I could try to rest. We promised everyone we would call as there was more progress. The next few hours went by pretty smoothly. At one point, they wanted to stick this little monitor thing on AJ's head so they went in down South and kept trying to shove this tiny thing in and it wasn't working. I don't even remember why they were doing it now, but I remember it hurt like heck! The nurse kept coming in and asking when I wanted my epidural. I was trying to hold off on it for as long as I could, so that I could have plenty when I needed it. She would literally come in every like 20 minutes and ask me. Finally I decided to give into it at about 2:30am when I was 8 cm dilated. Good thing I got it then. It's as if my body knew I had surrendered to it because the minute I said okay, I got hit with the MOST PAINFUL FEELING EVER!!! I can't even describe a contraction to you. I remember it hurt like hell, but the trauma of it was so intense, I don't remember it. It's the craziest thing in the world. I remember my anesthesiologist was from Australia and the nicest guy ever. I told him I loved him. lol. The epidural didn't hurt at all... Adam was the greatest coach. He took my mind off the present moment and kept me laughing till it hurt. I absolutely love him. But that's a different story.
Minutes after I got the epidural, I felt it kick in. But I was still feeling the contractions on my right side so I called the nurse in and Mr. Anesthesiologist came in and upped it on my right side. I was in divine heaven. The nurse checked me again and said we would start pushing in about 30 minutes! This is when the panic began for me. OMG... in 30 minutes, I was going to push the hardest I ever have, and I was going to try to bring my son into the light of day. I was going to bring my baby to life... to hold him in my arms and never let him go. Adam looked terrified and came to hold me in my bed. It was the most surreal moment ever. This was the last time it would be just the two of us... and we were ready for it. Our moment was ruined by the nurse rushing in, saying that the baby's heartrate dropped and I needed an oxygen mask to help bring it back up. So they strapped it on and she said we were going to push then. Ummm... RIGHT! I was traumatized! Adam made the calls home to have everyone come to the hospital to wait in the waiting room and the nurse got busy. She had me push on my own before the doctor came in and it was the hardest thing in my life! I have this stupid oxygen mask on, I was congested, and pushing wasn't happening too well for me. I was out of breath by the time she got to 4! And I had to push until 10! And there was no resting in between...only enough time for another deep breath. Pushing truly sucked the most out of everything. Not to mention that she and Adam kept yelling "PUSH HARDER!!" Hello?? What do you think I'm doing? Does this look like I'm just sitting here barely squeezing? I want this baby out more than either one of you. I'm pushing as hard as I can! Adam kept telling me I was right there... and with every push out, I lost breath and it was right back in he went. Then Dr. Foster came in and got the show on the road. He watched me push, and told me it looked like baby's head was a little big so he was going to cut me a little. Uh... thank god I was numb! But do what you gotta do Doc! lol So he cut me, and 4 pushes later... out came Adam Eugene Brown, Jr. All 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 20 inches of him! He made his debut into this world at 5:54am on Wednesday January 16, 2008. He was born exactly 2 weeks early. They took him out and put him on my belly.
Adam was holding both of us, and snapping pictures of this moment. I laid there and stared at him dumbfounded that I was holding my son. That's when I felt a warm rush on my arm and looked over and sure enough, my son was shooting out lasers of urine! That's my boy! He even managed to soak my nurse! It was so funny. I was laughing and crying. This was my son! I waited for this moment for such a long time and it was here. He was so beautiful and perfect. They took him over to the other side of the room to inject his eyes and run their tests and meanwhile doc was sewing me up and delivering my placenta which he tossed into this bucket... that was yucky! lol. Adam kept yelling me the feedback on his tests and he couldn't stop gushing over how beautiful his son was. I was so blessed.
About 10 minutes later, the entire family streamed into the room and it was THE MOST beautiful reunion I have ever witnessed in my entire life. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Everyone took turns holding my beautiful son. Their grandson, nephew, and the newest addition to the family. It was truly emotional. The rest of that day was a whilrwind of breastfeeding and visitors.
Later that night, the nurse took AJ to the nursery to bathe him. I went with her and she said it looked like he was breathing faster than he should have been. Of course i asked what this meant and she said she wanted to have him monitored under the lights in there for about an hour. I was terrified. She then came to our room and said they were going to have to keep him in the NICU overnight for monitoring because his breathing was very rapid for a newborn. She said it could possibly be due to fluid in his lungs. She said they would have to wait for him to be admitted into the NICU and that the pediatrician on duty would come talk to us. She let us come see him and it was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. Here was my precious little boy, so new to the world and he was hooked up to an IV which was bigger than him, and he had a little feeding tube through his nose and patches of monitors all over his chest, and on his feet. I couldn't stop crying in there. I was literally bawling. Even Adam cried. This wasn't how we pictured our baby to spend his first night in the world! The pedi was amazing and we loved her right away. She answered all of our questions and we felt safe knowing AJ was in her hands. And the NICU staff was absolutely amazing also. They let us come see him every hour if we wanted to, and I was pumping milk for AJ then so they let me in to drop it off and they would call my room whenever he was awake so we could look at him. It was definately tough on us to see him like this, but it needed to be done. The final diagnosis was that he had fluid in his lungs and they needed to drain it. So they pumped his tiny little lungs with concentrated oxygen to help dry it out. Since his lungs were open, they were susceptible to infection, so they gave him an antibiotic through his IV. Because he was a newborn, they needed to keep him for 48 hours minimum to monitor him with this antibiotic. It was the longest 48 hours of my life! My doctor cleared me to go home on Thursday, but I begged to let me stay one more night so I could be with my baby. (they wouldn't let him in my room but at least I was down the hall!) So they let me stay. We were in there every chance we got. Finally, Friday night at 7pm I had to go home, and the pedi said as long as AJ's breathing was steady (which it improved more each day), she would clear him to come home on Saturday morning! YAY!! We went home and got everything ready for him. And me, being the obsessive freak I am, I set my alarm for 4am to drive to the hospital to see him. He happened to be awake and they let me feed him. Then I went back home after he fell asleep and we came back together with Adam at 9 to pick up our baby. They let him come home and our lives were complete.
And if you have made it this far, you deserve an award. This is the LONGEST thing I have every typed, but for my own personal memories, I needed to type it out. Now I feel better.
(And thank you AJ for taking a nap right now so I could get this all out!)
May 21, 2008
One year ago today, I peed on a stick and found a giant plus sign staring back at me. Sitting here, 12 months, 365 days later.... I still remember the EXACT emotions and feelings I felt at that time.
Just because I like to write, I'll tell you the story about my big, fat positive pregnancy test. A few weeks before I took this test, I took a total of about 12 tests over the course of about 4 weeks. I was DETERMINED to prove to my husband that I was indeed pregnant. It's just one of those feelings I had in my gut! Well, after a bunch of negative tests (and about $100 down the drain), I decided to give up on testing. Until a week later when my sister and I were at Target and she convinced me to "buy just one more" so I did. This time I bought the cheap Target brand one $3.47. I figured if it's negative again, at least I only lose $3.47. (More like $103.47...but still.) So the next morning (which was Monday the 21st) I decided to give it a go. I woke up, brushed my teeth like I always do and peed into a cup and dipped the stick. I then went to the closet, picked out my clothes, walked downstairs to get some water and got ready for a shower. I peeked at the test and lo and behold - clear as day - was a giant plus sign! After reading and re-reading the instructions and making sure I understood the test, I freaked out. It was an exciting freak-out. But wait. Since this was a generic test, what if it was a fluke? I decided I would run to the store before work and take another to be sure. But at the present moment, I didn't know what to do. Adam was at work. It wasn't the kind of news to give him over the phone...and he had school that night so I couldn't wait that long. So I took a picture of the stick with my phone and text messaged it to him. Within 2 minutes he wrote back and said "This means pregnant?" And of course I burst into tears and he called me. I could sense his nervousness as we briefly discussed what this meant. We decided we weren't going to tell anyone until I could get in to see a doctor and confirm that the news was real.
Fast forward to today. Wednesday May 21, 2008. I'm sitting here typing this out, staring at my beautiful baby boy who is sound asleep 5 feet away from me in his pack and play. He's so peacefully asleep, yet stirring every 20 minutes trying to get comfortable. Words can't express how he makes me feel. From that minute one year ago today until now, it's been quite the journey. 38 weeks of pregnancy, 12 hours of labor, and 4 months and 5 days of nothing but absolute bliss...and sleepless nights. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Not a day goes by that I don't thank god for showing me my purpose in life. For giving me an opportunity that many women pay thousands of dollars to experience. For blessing my life the way he has in his quiet way. Thank you again, Lord for allowing me to experience motherhood.
I love you AJ Brown. Always have, always will.
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